Thursday, July 12, 2007
A close friend of mine had a baby a couple of months ago, and up until now things have been a little difficult between the two of us. I won't detail the way her life and priorities have changed (because I am sure that you who have children can fill in the gap), but the dynamic of the friendship has had a major shift, and in a way I am feeling isolated as well as experiencing an odd sense of betrayal.
Why? I have no idea, but the feeling is there. It might have something to do with the fact that we were close friends before, and now I'm ranking very low on her list of things, coupled with the fact that when we talk, she seems not to want to listen to what I am saying. Thinking about it, this last tendency probably has more to do with how exhausted she is than anything else.
It makes me very sad to think that we could lose our friendship, as well as a sense of jealousy that she could prefer to hang out with other new mothers that she has only just met, rather than me. But in a way I can understand it. They can share what she is going through, obsess about their children together the same way that my medical school friends and I obsess about our studies together, and know that the other person has a very good idea about how they feel and what they are going through.
She has started a different phase of her life, leaving career behind to stay at home with her new baby, while I work and begin a new career. We're really moving at completely different paces.
Anyway, today I decided that it won't be my fault if the friendship dies away. I've decided to try to get into more regular contact with her, by phone or e-mail if she is too busy with family and baby stuff to get together for coffee. (Honestly, this couple is harder to book time with than a working medical student!) I can only cross my fingers and hope that she's willing to get on board, and be patient.