How To Have An Afternoon Nap, TGWTBS-Style

1. Lie down after lunch on your bed in a semi-dark room and read a book. It doesn't matter how interesting the book is, if you have had a long and draining week, it will work. Within ten minutes, you will have put the book to the side, turned off the reading light and gone to the land of nod.
2. You are disturbed by the sound of your own snore, which scares you as much as unexpected bodily noises can, and wake up and roll sideways, going back to sleep immediately.
3. Twenty minutes into your sleep, your parents call. "I knew you would be asleep," they say. Way to use your psychic powers for evil instead of good, Mum and Dad.
4. Get back to sleep after a blurry conversation about the rain and somethingorother about school meetings.
5. Get woken up by a marketing person who demands to talk about marketing and advertising to somebody over twenty and working. Telling them that your number is unlisted and you are on the Do Not Call registry is beyond you, so you just say "No" and hang up. Marketing people have the Gift and will call during dinner or naps. Evil.
6. Doze off.
7. Get woken up by a kid next door playing trumpet. Must be a visitor, as I have never heard him before. Why? Perhaps he, too, has psychic powers for evil.
8. Doze off again.
9. Get woken up by remote-husband's text message, telling me that he is going to see a movie. 2000km away. Awesome.
10. Get woken even more by a second text telling me that he also got a haircut. I won't see it before it all grows back again. Even better. Sweetness and evil together are the most fun combination.
11. Try to doze off but am now surrounded by hungry cats who are obviously confused as it is a good two hours before their dinner time. They take turns purring and miaowing. Cats never try to hide the evil.
12. I give up, get up to finish Saturday chores and resolve to not feed cats for another two hours. Evil rubs off.

The end.