I love children, but since my closest friends have had them, they have dropped off the radar and moved into another place in their lives. I like to hang out with the girls from time to time and have coffee, gossip and natter about random things, and I don't get the same thing any more.
Mothers of small children can't drop things for spontaneous coffee or going out to the movies. (Well, not the ones I am friends with.) Their lives have changed focus, and thus the conversation will often drift to the topic of what little Johnny's sleep schedule is like, ear infections (I MUST be interested, as I'm a medical student, right?), and the inevitable question of when I'm going to pop out a sprog or two. To be blunt, I just don't find this kind of conversation fun. I probably will when I have kids of my own, and these friends have been through it all years before me and are now fonts of practical knowledge and reassurance.
I have some work-friends who are mothers and who are able to talk about things that are non-baby-related. Their children are a little older, and they work a lot. They can gossip, go shopping, have lives, and still be interested in their families and be balanced people. This reassures me about working when I have children. I'm not the kind of person whose whole world could centre on being at home with baby. I need more.
I understand why my friends are so wrapped up in their kids and I'm glad they are enjoying this fleeting time in the lives of their little ones. However, right now I desperately need some socialising, particularly with people who don't spend the entire time talking about babies or medical matters.
This is one of my plans/hopes for this year.
8 comments:
Same!
Ahaha! Isn't it funny that we all go through the same things at a similar stage in life?
Sounds good, Polly. None of my good friends have had babies yet, or even got married, so we're all just cruising along as we always have. I find it hard to imagine any of them suddenly not 'getting' where I'm coming from, or expecting me to be enthralled by the minutae of their children's bowel habits or whatever the concern of the week is (not to discount how important that must be when you're a new mum!). Good luck branching out this year. You've reminded me that I need to do the same.
I'm not Polly. ;)
Making new friendship groups can be hard, but it is something we need to do from time to time.
I don't enjoy feeling of being abnormal because "everyone" my age has settled down and had children. One potential advantage of being in a larger place again - more people, not "all" in families. It isn't that I don't want to be friends with them (I do!) its just that I know they have other priorities and interests. Its a shame when you can't identify with people that you otherwise have so much in common with though..
Returning to Perth from Melbourne, I miss the diversity of conversation and interactions I have over there. I'd love to make good female friends here outside my little medical world, but it's easier said than done. You can join book clubs or take language classes or whatever, but good friendships seem to arise from something different. Hmmm. If you find the quick fix, please share!
Oh, damn, I'm so sorry! Please note the time of posting, I am trying to adjust my body clock and stay up late and I'm very embarrassed about the typo. Blushes.
Go work in urgent care. You will never EVER want anything to do with kids again.
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