Where to go, what to do?

I can tell that I am in procrastination mode about my upcoming exam.

How?

Because I am currently thinking more and more about what kind of specialty I want to get into. I had a chat at work on Wednesday with an anaesthetist who got me thinking about anaesthetics. She hadn't planned on getting into it at first because she thought it would be boring, but had the opportunity to try it for a year and absolutely loved it. She finds the physiology, the drugs, and the challenges absolutely fascinating. Because her reasons were reasons that resonated with me, I began considering it, too.

This is interesting, because it is an area that I would have never thought about getting into until I saw it from the perspective of an anaesthetist. My main concern would be the ability to stay awake. Perhaps I need to take up sodoku, crosswords, or the ability to read lengthly journal articles while keeping one ear open. (I'm working on the last one now at work. You never know, it might work . . .)

However, currently obsessing about this would be silly for many reasons. In Australia, we don't have to start specialising until at least a year or two after we finish our degrees, as we work as interns and residents. Anyway, I'm just thinking about things. Obsessing would be silly for many reasons at this point in time, including:

a) If I don't pass the upcoming exam, I won't fail this year outright, but it will be a hell of a lot more stressful and will be a bit of a blow;

b) I know for a fact that I will change my mind many times, possibly even during my intern and resident years. While this is not wise and it won't make for the fastest career progression, it is just how I am.

c) I am focusing on something far away rather than the things that are more pressing and in front of me.

At least I know that I want to specialise, which in a way is motivation to study.

So I'll just sit here, sipping my glass of white wine, enjoying the smell of dinner cooking slowly (thank-you, Nigella!) and do a couple of past exams. If there is one thing I am good at, it is passing things, surviving and getting by. A wise (but young) doctor I work with once described me as a seeker - I won't settle for not being happy and will look for what challenges me and keeps me interested. I don't know it that is my other skill, or a curse.