Thursday, July 23, 2009

Why the private blog?

I have always been quite careful about what I write on the public blog - after all, it is in the public domain, and anybody and everybody is able to read it. I don't hold any illusions that the private blog is water-tight, either, but at least it is more controllable than the public one.

Anyway, I have never been the kind of person who would be comfortable being identified by one of my supervisors from my blog posts. If I have something to say to somebody, I will normally say it to their face, rather than publish it on the internet.

On my last GP rotation, my GP was talking to me about one of the previous students. He was congratulating himself on having identified the student's blog, and was following his impressions of the rotation while he was in the practice. He thought it was most amusing when the student got very excited about passing the rotation, particularly that he had been quoted on the blog.

I'm not saying that anything inappropriate was done by either the GP or the student - the GP passed the student and the student was never aware that the GP knew about his blog. But when the GP was talking about this, I felt nauseous - what if he had found my blog? Only a couple of days beforehand I had written a piece about how I don't like GP work, but had taken it down quickly because I wasn't comfortable with it being out there.

I just like to be able to write how I think and feel and what my impressions are of a situation without somebody who is potentially marking me (and controlling my future career to an extent) reading what I have written. I also change my mind about things as I learn more and get increased exposure or time to think, so I don't want someone who hardly knows me thinking that I'm the girl who has certain opinions or feelings, when it could all have changed and be completely different at the current date.

I don't mind when other students work out who I am, as I don't generally say negative things about people (except in private, to closest friends, when I need support and validation) on blogs. However, I need to be able to vent and contemplate things without worrying who will read it and what they will think, in order to be able to write.

When you worry so much about what others think, it silences your inner creative voice, and this had been happening a lot through the start of this year - just look at the number of blog posts. :)

So thanks to those of you who have signed up to read this. It is nice to be able to talk about things to a much smaller crowd. We'll see where this part of the journey takes us.

P.s. It looks like I am keenest on going into psychiatry. Just thought I would mention it. :P


Dragonfly said...

Psych is awesome. They need lots of good doctors it is great that you want to do it.

The Girl said...

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one who appreciates it!
When I hear people say that they hated it, I often wonder whether it was the topic or just the place that they were doing the rotation.
It is great that there are so many different avenues in medicine. :)

Dragonfly said...

Yeah. Mental health fascinates me. My psych placement wasn't so fantastic but that was more a situational thing. You see heaps in ED and GP (and everwhere else - anesthetics with the ECT), but I wouldn't mind doing some psych as a junior doctor if the opportunity came up. It is something that it is important to be able to deal with in any area of medicine though, so it makes me sad when people say they have "zero care factor about the crazy people" and things like that.

The Girl said...

I agree.
I think that a lot of the stigmatisation of the mentally ill is done out of fear and misunderstanding, and wanting to be convinced that something like that could never happen to any of us. I also think that some medical people have a great need for control over a situation (and are destined for anaesthetics or pathology, perhaps? ;) ) and find the chaos and unpredictability of psychiatry can be really stressful and challenging to their natures.
There are hardly any patients (or doctors, for that matter) who don't have some hints of psychological dysfunction, so a basic understanding can make the student a better communicator, both with patients and colleagues. Who on earth would not want that? ;)

No matter what area you go into, psychiatry can be very helpful.

Sara said...

I ALWAYS wonder what will happen if someone comes across my blog, especially since I don't even try to be anonymous and, looking back, hated basically everyone I encountered in medicine.