Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My only September post

Lately I have not blogged at all, and to be frank, it has felt like I really haven’t had anything different to blog about. It is funny how after a while you suddenly become much more critical about your own writing, and start to post only random drivel about pets winning bravery awards and such. This has been dreadfully shithouse and random, but probably says a lot about life lately. 
So then, if this blog is not going to die, I have to start to write again, and about everyday things that I am not going to worry too much about posting.
How is my life going as a medical student? Honestly, I am starting to be a bit concerned that I’m too apathetic about certain aspects of the course. People around me (well, at least those who speak up) seem to know a LOT, and I often sit there with the only noise inside my brain being the tumbleweeds gathering dust. I try to study, but my strengths lie in the bigger picture, and I am, quite frankly, really weak at learning the finer details of cellular biology, microbiology and reactions.
If it has a clinical application, it will stick like glue, and if I can make it part of a story, I will remember it also. However, if it is just a set of theoretical physiological reactions, then my brain goes blank, and the tumbleweeds start to set up their own little party once more.
What am I good at? I like to think that I am good at talking to people, at relating to patients, and seeing the bigger picture clinically. I am painfully aware that I would be a better clinician if I can just work harder at some of the smaller details, and now that things are getting back on track I am resolving to do that. Actually, it is more than a resolution – I WANT to do it.
I am good at using my eyes, ears and hands to see what is in front of me. I am good at taking a history and letting patients talk. I am good at organization and working with teams of people, as well as task prioritising and chasing things up.
The things that I am good at help keep me hopeful that one day soon I will be a good doctor, or at the very least, a competent one. God, this is all so scary. Lucky we still have a while to go before the end of the course.
Perhaps I should try to be more comfortable blogging again about my life as a non-honours medical student who also has become much better at developing life balance over the past year.
I have been striving to find a healthy place between complete and utter apathy and despondance, and stress and perfectionism. Neither is healthy, apathy will cause me to drop out of the course, and perfectionism is just a joke, considering that there are so many brilliant people around me. I am a very strong lateral thinker, and my brain works in ways that are quite creative and very divergent. These are useful attributes, but they don’t tend to get you high distinctions on exams, at least not in the areas of science. ;)
So I am back again, wish me luck. Sorry it has been so long.