Monday, April 9, 2007

Happy Easter, or the Return of the Study Bunny

I hope you all had lovely Easters. Mine was sweet, relaxing, and chocolate-filled, just as a good Easter should be.

Sadly, due to the fact that it is now the Easter holidays, I have to begin my process of revision for the upcoming exam. I have never had to schedule revision for 17 weeks of semester before. The logistics are . . . interesting.

Anyway, the next few months are going to be a teensy bit challenging. I'm not going to be able to have more than one drink at any social function, considering that I will either be studying immediately after it is over, or early the next day. Instead of being a Designated Driver, I am going to be a Designated Studier! God help me.

To cope, I am going to have to metamorphosize into the medical student version of a lycanthrope - I will become the Study Bunny. As the above picture shows, the Study Bunny is not at all cuddly. Except when she wants to be. Then you had better close your eyes and hang on to your teeth.

The Study Bunny can be found in several places, generally around large piles of paper, coffee cups and signs saying "Sit still and pass!" Her natural habitats include PBL rooms, study areas in homes, or frequently at the drive-through at McDonalds during a Diet-Coke run.

If, for some unknown reason, you want to locate a Study Bunny, wait until the early hours of the morning, when you can listen carefully for cries of "What on EARTH is the Bolam Principle? Gaaaa! I hate ethics! Why do I even need ethics??!! I'm a MEDICAL STUDENT! I'm never going to treat an Ethic! Aaarrggh!"

If you happen to be unlucky enough to reside with somebody who has morphed into a Study Bunny, you can defend yourself from random attacks. Similar to more traditional monsters, Study Bunnies also have their weaknesses. If you wish to placate the Study Bunny from a distance, leave a nice, chilled bottle of beer or box of chocolates in the nearest fridge. Your Study Bunny will have developed a sixth sense for anything fun or procrastination-oriented by this point, so will soon be making a beeline for the fridge without really knowing why.

For extra brownie-points, leave a note. A nice note. Add hugs and kisses. Do NOT make the note a To-Do list.

If under attack by a Study Bunny (have no fear, the bite does not pass on this form of sickness), arm yourself with the holy chant, "I'm so proud of you and all of the work you are doing! Well done!" This may disable the Study Bunny, and even cause a barrage of tears. Know your nearest source of tissues.

Instead of a cross, the Study Bunny can be warded off with a large piece of paper detailing the time and date of the exam. This will frighten her so badly, she may run the other way howling.

Things likely to infuriate the Study Bunny include:
1) Scheduling an unnecessary family function during her two-month-long full-moon. She will be furry, fanged and in no mood to attend.
2) Going to a fantastic party during the same time period. She will want to attend, and will become even more fanged and furry out of anger at not being able to make it. If you ARE crazy enough to attend by yourself, do NOT come home and say that it was the "best party ever". You will die. Slowly.
3) Spending all weekend doing nothing except drinking beer, watching tv and playing computer games, only to complain that you feel exhausted. There may be bruises involved in this one.
4) Telling the Study Bunny that she studies too much. The Study Bunny needs encouragement, not an excuse to procrastinate.

If you live with a Study Bunny of your own, don't fear - she will be back to normal and fur-free before you know it. If you want to help even more, schedule her a leg wax and back massage in the days after the exam as a nice surprise. Nobody hates being a hairy-legged stressed-out Study Bunny as much as the Study Bunny herself.


Polly said...

Ok, now you've scared me Girl! Are there any predisposing factors for this seemingly terrible affliction? Any early warning signs I should look out for..I'm a little worried- I didn't get the anti-SB vaccine along with my flu shot!

Milk and Two Sugars said...

What a wonderful, fantastic post! Spot-on and full of humour! I've printed it out and stuck it on my wall.

Good luck!

The Girl said...

Polly, I would look out for excessively hairy legs (brought on by not having the time/presence of mind to wax/shave), bloodshot eyes, and the tendency to want to bite anybody who utters the words, "Med exams are easy." ;)

Thanks for the complement, m&ts. Sometimes you just have to laugh, don't you? :)

Polly said...

OH NO! I'm doomed!

Milk and Two Sugars said...

Other signs include:
- Allowing your hair to grow out such that your regrowth becomes disgraceful.
- Wearing a jumper whatever the weather, because even at 32 degrees outside you still get cold sitting down all day.
- Forgetting to put on a bra and only noticing when you go to bed at night.

medstudentitis said...

I AM the study bunny. My exams start on Wednesday and I have grown fangs. The study bunny in my house also randomly cries for no reason, the frequency inversely proportional to the number of days left until exams and directly proportional to feelings of hopelessness.

Rach said...

Amazing amazing post. This is why I'm not looking forward to going back to school!

Terra said...

Classic post!! I love it!! :)

Good luck with your exams!!

The Girl said...

Thanks for the comments! Glad to see it isn't just me. :)

Anonymous said...

That does it. This post, along with others has encouraged me to do something positive. When I finish my emergency term, I swear I will start a blog of some sort just to illustrate the study technique that served me well over the last 2 years in the hope that others will be able to take something from it and endure a less stressful time.

I wish you all well in these difficult times.


XE said...

Oh my god, you've just described me. I AM the study bunny. Off to revise for neurology...(sigh)

Adrian said...

Is there a male version? I think I may be him. Sometimes I blank out, and when I come to there is a trail of bleeding friends mumbling strange things about how it's normal for non-students to know nothing about polionephritis...