Wednesday, April 4, 2007


After tomorrow is over, I am going to be on holiday for a little over a week. I am so excited!

It is mostly going to be revision time, of course, but the fact is that I don't have to go anywhere near uni for a whole week! No PBL! No Learning Objectives to hash out the night before when I would much rather be memorising/understanding things!

(Unfortunately I'm not the kind of learner who memorises from looking up the answers to questions from PBL. Sad but true.)

After that, we only have two months until our mid-year exam, and I am terrified. I know that the chances are that I will pass, but it doesn't stop the fear.

Fear is not a good thing for me. I am currently so nervous about missing something on a patient interview that I am often the last one to jump in and start questioning mock patients. This is a shame, because I LOVE talking to patients. I find them to be so very interesting and like learning things about them.

(N.b. This is not in a creepy over-involved sort of way. I just like seeing people as individuals, not as "patients". In my "real" job, I once met a female patient who got to work with one of the first computers in our country when she was studying at university. She told me that the computer took up a whole HUGE room and that she had to take her shoes off before she went in. The best bit was that she told me this story in front of a student I was supervising. The student went from seeing her as just another old lady to seeing her as an educated, intelligent individual with a rich past. It is amazing what you can learn about people in the space of five busy minutes. I love moments like that, when you prove that you should never underestimate or stereotype people from what you see when you first look.)

I have never been a person who jumps into something fearlessly. I like to know where I am, what I am doing and how I am going to do it before I even start. I look on at those who leap in with jealousy, as I envy their confidence and lack of Angst. Apparently I was this way as a toddler, so I am a little more forgiving of myself about it these days! I just have to get in there and give it a go. I suppose that when I actually do something, I want to do it very well.

Thinking about study, at the moment I feel like I am in a little boat, trying to negotiate my way through a very dark and stormy sea, being battered every which way. Every time I think I see land to steer towards, I get blown off course, lose sight of the target and have to start again. Fortunately I am in this sea with a LOT of other paddlers! We might be feeling lost, but we are all in it together.

Yes, I know it is melodramatic. But I'm a medical student, not an author! ;)

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